Starved for the whole truth, man?

Take a bite out of this bitsy but beefy package, brimming with morsels of wit, wisdom and worldly knowledge brought to you by the one and only Bartholomew J. Simpson. Get the hard–knocks facts of life from the guy who's seen it all, heard it all, done it all and denies it all.

(The "J" stands for "Jo–Jo"...)